Looking back, as far as I can recall you could only find those families on TV during the 50s and 60s. Those TV families had a script, which was probably written by writers who were projecting onto their TV characters what they could only wish they had had in their lives.

Unfortunately there is no script, or more importantly no instruction manual given to parents when they are handed their precious bundle of joy. Isn’t that ridiculous? Consider the fact that most jobs require some type of instruction, and the really important ones require huge manuals. But somehow, “parenting,” one of THE most important jobs anyone will ever have, is done, well, “on the fly.”

So it may be safe to assume that most of us have some “inner child” issues. Which I guess is ok, considering that on the whole, as a nation, we seem better at fixing what we’ve broken, rather than preventing the problem in the first place.  Moving forward, the not so good thing is that although some of us are aware that there are things lurking in our subconscious which have a way contaminating our life, many are not.

The good news is this: getting to the root of many of our issues can be accomplished by something called “inner child” work. Inner child work involves remembering you, as a child and the good, the bad and the ugly and how certain events may be impacting your life today. Inner child work can produce amazing breakthroughs in less time than you might imagine.

To get in touch with your inner child try this one simple exercise.  Take some time to be alone, in a quiet spot where you won’t be disturbed. Take a few deep cleansing breaths in and out. Now, write a short note to your inner child asking them what they want or need. Next, with your non- dominant hand write an answer to your question(s). You may be quite surprised at what your inner child has to say.

“Playing the Projection Game”

Let’s face it, most of us could use some coaching and help when it comes to having  better relationships. Relationships are complex and it is challenging to understand not just the other person, but ourselves as well… and this is where it gets confusing.

            Our behaviors are driven by our beliefs and our beliefs determine our self image.

We all have different images of ourselves, and it is our self image that we project onto the other person, which in turn creates our reactions in relationships. But guess what? The other person is doing the exact same thing!

If you want to understand your relationship dynamics, it is wise to address the real issue – the images you carry in your mind of yourself.

This is a simplified version of the relationship matrix

Let’s take the example of Bob and Mary.  Bob and Mary each have many different images of themselves…or “stories”… about who they are based on the beliefs that were downloaded into their subconscious at an early age.  One belief that Bob and Mary share is that they are “not good enough.”  Bob and Mary go out on a blind date together. Bob meets Mary and his first impression is that she is beautiful and “too good” for him. Bob immediately becomes uncomfortable and is stiff and not very talkative during their dinner. Mary notices this and assumes that Bob is not very interested in her and that he finds her boring.

We could play this scenario out to the end, but you probably get where this is going.  Bob and Mary have projected on to one another their false images of themselves.  So if you feel like you are not good enough, not attractive enough or somehow inadequate, these feelings are projected onto your partner and vice versa.  Unfortunately, we do this with most of our other relationships as well.

Examining the relationships in our lives on a deeper level can lead to a more profound understanding of who we are and our unresolved issues.

Relationships are a mirror to our soul and an opportunity for tremendous self-growth and self-improvement. It allows us the opportunity to let go of and release our negative thinking patterns and a chance to witness more peace and understanding in our lives.

If you would like to participate in my next workshop “Playing the Projection Game” and a lively discussion of these ideas & how to have better relationships, please join me on Tuesday August 12^th at 6:00 pm in Royal Palm Beach, FL.  For more information go to my website: www.michelelanders.com and click on workshops or email me at: michelelanders@besllsouth.net

It’s unfortunate that so many people suffer from a lack of self esteem. Just take a look at the amount of crime that exists, the number of women and men who stay in mentally, emotionally and physically abusive relationships and all the people who are afraid of following their passion. It takes a strong sense of self to be able to stand up for yourself and to be and feel empowered.

We often hear the phrase “being empowered.” What exactly does that mean and how can you feel empowered to Live Your life Miraculously?The simple definition of empowerment is having power. Another way to put it is having inner strength and resiliency – the ability to overcome obstacles and to be able to move forward in life.

Here are some helpful tips to develop your miraculous and empowered self.

1. Pardon yourself & reappraise the situation Even criminals on death row get pardons! For a variety of reasons the average person is so hard on themselves when they feel as if they’ve made a mistake. And to make matters worse, we believe that others might see us as foolish. Flip the switch and find something empowering from the experience. What did you learn from the situation?
2. Accept and love yourself as you are unconditionally. I think it’s wonderful that we have the desire to improve ourselves and in fact that is a basic human characteristic, to be “productive”. But let’s quiet that committee in our head that is continually criticizing. The inner critic that says we’re not good enough or smart enough. Stop the monkey mind chatter
3. Be free to be yourself without the need for the approval of others. This is a real hot button for many people. Of course we’re in this world together and there’ s nothing wrong with getting input from others…. at times. But too often we go around asking everyone “What do you think? What do you think? What do you think?” We’re terrified of making a decision ..or making a mistake. We hold back our real feelings for fear of being rejected. So, release the need to be all things to all people.
4. Allow yourself to say “Yes. Saying yes to offers from others to assist you. Say Yes to taking some “Me” time….without feeling guilty. Saying yes to yourself in some form of self pampering is very empowering
5. Allow yourself to say “NO.” This is a difficult word to say, especially for women. But, give it a try! You don’t have to say yes to every request that is made of you. I promise that you won’t make life long enemies. And if you do… well it’s likely they didn’t care that much about you anyway.
6. And above all, acknowledge your uniqueness! YES, YES! We are all so very unique! There never has been nor ever will be anyone exactly like you. Honor that, love that and explore that about yourself.

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
Louise L. Hay, Best-selling Author of “You Can Heal Your Life”