The dynamics of our relationships are extremely complex. But surprisingly, the clues to understanding the other person usually lie within ourselves.
Are you Soul Mates or Cell Mates?
When we hear the words “Soul Mate,” most people conjure up visions of that special someone miraculously and specifically molded and made for them and only them. Someone who understands us as no other person can. And, like synchronized swimmers, “Soul Mates” are in tune and in rhythm with one another. They fit together like a puzzle. Now I ask you, do you know any couples who fit that description? Uh huh.…that’s what I thought.
Cell Mates on the other hand are the polar opposite. Obvious trademarks of the Cell Mate relationship are long periods of deafening silences, open hostility and sarcastic and biting remarks. Not so obvious trademarks are people living entirely separate lives with self-defeating thoughts like “what’s the use?” Sounds like a grim life sentence–hence the name “Cell Mates.” The truth is most relationships fall in between these two extremes.
” I just broke up with someone and the last thing he said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking: “I hope should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you?” – Unknown
The Miracle is: It’s All About You……
….seriously, it is. I believe we attract relationships that mirror our perceptions about ourselves. Our Soul Mate can very well be the person that irritates us the most.
You might be thinking “My partner doesn’t communicate his/her feelings very well and I’m a great communicator. How is that a mirror for me?” Communication involves speaking and listening. Perhaps you are adept at communicating, yet you may not be a good listener. Maybe you don’t communicate or listen to your own inner wisdom. Another example would be the woman who complains that her husband never pays attention to her. The first question would be: who or what isn’t she paying attention to? Her husband? Her body? Her passions? Her inner self? You get the idea.
The life lessons we need to learn can show up in many different forms and we have to be a bit of a detective, yet it is well worth the investigation. Our relationships mirror what we believe we deserve – not consciously of course, but from a deeper subconscious or unconscious level. To be a little flip, if you are having challenges in any of your relationships, remember the one common denominator in all of them…..You. A disclaimer: Am I suggesting that someone stay in an abusive relationship to learn their “lesson?” Absolutely not. The dynamics of an abusive relationship are extremely complex. However, what I am suggesting is that in any troubled relationship we take a deeper look at our own beliefs and perceptions.
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
Take about 10 minutes of quiet time to ask yourself these thought provoking questions. Although they just scratch the surface of the “projection game,” if you listen carefully to your inner voice and are open to all possibilities, you might awaken to a new awareness of who you believe you are.
- Think about some of the things that most irritate you about your partner or other people.
- Can you identify any of those traits within yourself in any area of your life. Do you treat yourself that way?
- Now, what do you admire most about your partner?
- Can you see any similarities that you share?
If you are diligent about unmasking your hidden beliefs the rewards are immeasurable. You will gain clarity and power and I guarantee we will see miraculous changes in your relationships. Although it’s true, you can’t change another person, when you change your life story, your partner and those around you will respond with new behaviors.