projection game

“Playing the Projection Game”

Let’s face it, most of us could use some coaching and help when it comes to having  better relationships. Relationships are complex and it is challenging to understand not just the other person, but ourselves as well… and this is where it gets confusing.

            Our behaviors are driven by our beliefs and our beliefs determine our self image.

We all have different images of ourselves, and it is our self image that we project onto the other person, which in turn creates our reactions in relationships. But guess what? The other person is doing the exact same thing!

If you want to understand your relationship dynamics, it is wise to address the real issue – the images you carry in your mind of yourself.

This is a simplified version of the relationship matrix

Let’s take the example of Bob and Mary.  Bob and Mary each have many different images of themselves…or “stories”… about who they are based on the beliefs that were downloaded into their subconscious at an early age.  One belief that Bob and Mary share is that they are “not good enough.”  Bob and Mary go out on a blind date together. Bob meets Mary and his first impression is that she is beautiful and “too good” for him. Bob immediately becomes uncomfortable and is stiff and not very talkative during their dinner. Mary notices this and assumes that Bob is not very interested in her and that he finds her boring.

We could play this scenario out to the end, but you probably get where this is going.  Bob and Mary have projected on to one another their false images of themselves.  So if you feel like you are not good enough, not attractive enough or somehow inadequate, these feelings are projected onto your partner and vice versa.  Unfortunately, we do this with most of our other relationships as well.

Examining the relationships in our lives on a deeper level can lead to a more profound understanding of who we are and our unresolved issues.

Relationships are a mirror to our soul and an opportunity for tremendous self-growth and self-improvement. It allows us the opportunity to let go of and release our negative thinking patterns and a chance to witness more peace and understanding in our lives.

If you would like to participate in my next workshop “Playing the Projection Game” and a lively discussion of these ideas & how to have better relationships, please join me on Tuesday August 12th at 6:00 pm in Royal Palm Beach, FL.  For more information go to my website: and click on workshops or email me at: