Relationships Are Complicated….

It Would Be So Easy If:

“You would only do what I think you should do, then we wouldn’t have any problems!”  I say that kiddingly… but honestly, isn’t that what we all really want?

We long for that human connection. The need to connect with others is in our DNA.  As humans, that’s how we are wired. It’s a psychological proven truth that if a newborn does not successfully bond to his or her caregiver, serious and severe emotional disturbances can result. As we mature, that same neurological wiring continues to search out others with whom to bond.

However, being the psychologically very complicated, multi layered, emotional beings that we are, we are very adept at unknowingly burying our hard-wired beliefs way, way down into the very depths of our subconscious.

I often hear clients swear to me “I never saw those annoying (or awful) characteristics when I first met Bob.”  Okay, well there’s a bit of truth there because we are all on our “Sunday best” when we first meet someone. Unless of course, you have a narcissistic, sociopath personality disorder, then you show your cards right up front. The trouble a narcissist’s manipulative skills are so finely tuned that if you’re vulnerable, you’re also their prey.

All that aside, when we are attracted to someone, we tend to wear rose-colored glasses. To be more precise, we’re subject to the “halo effect,” a psychological term used to describe how we will rate a person’s overall personality as “good, kind, etc.,” when we are attracted to them.

Our relationships are the way they are, because we set them up that way in order to learn more about ourselves. Our relationships mirror what we believe we deserve, not consciously of course, but from a deeper subconscious or unconscious level.

To be a little flip, if you are having challenges in any of your relationships, remember the one common denominator in all of them…..You.

As a Numerologist, I can see in a person’s chart the lessons they need to learn and also what they need to learn from their partner. This is also an enormous help in my practice as a Life Coach. Of course, it’s always easier when you are the objective observer!

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are. “
———–Anais Nin

It’s All About You…

….seriously, it is. I believe that we attract relationships that mirror our feelings and our perceptions about ourselves.  So this is how it goes: You’re thinking “My partner doesn’t communicate his/her feelings very well, and I feel that I’m a great communicator. How would that be a mirror for me?”

Communication involves speaking and listening. Perhaps you are adept at communicating your feelings, yet you may not be that great at listening. Or think of this; perhaps you don’t communicate with or listen to your own inner wisdom.

Another example would be the woman who complains that her husband never pays attention to her. My first question would be: who or what aren’t you paying attention to? Maybe you aren’t paying attention to your husband? Or: Your body? Your passions? Your intuition?  You get the idea.

The flip side of the mirroring concept is that of course, we also serve as mirrors for others, but it is to our benefit to only concern ourselves with our reflection.

Here’s a little exercise:  Take about 10 minutes of quiet time to ask yourself these thought provoking questions. Although they just scratch the surface of the “projection game,” if you listen carefully to your inner voice and are open to all possibilities, you might awaken to a new awareness of who you believe you are.

• • • Think about some of the things that most irritate you about your partner or other people.
    • Can you identify any of those traits within yourself in any area of your life? Do you treat yourself that way?
    • What do you admire most about your partner –or — think of a person you most admire and why.
    • Can you see any similarities that you share?

No one’s happiness needs to be dependent on others. If we are diligent about unmasking our hidden beliefs the rewards are immeasurable. We will gain clarity and power and I guarantee we will see changes in our relationships. Although it’s true, you can’t change another person, when you change YOUR life script, your partner and those around you will respond with new behaviors.

Live Miraculously.

Michele