“In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o’ clock in the morning, day after day.” F. Scott Fitzgerald
Here I am sitting at the computer and wondering what to write about. I’m feeling kind of sh**ty today and thinking well now…. that’s not a very good space to write from.
I’m the happy, positive “make a miracle happen” girl. I’m a Life Coach for god’s sake! So the thoughts in my head go like this; come on girl, chin up, cheer up! lighten up, look on the bright side… blah, blah, blah.
And the reality is: at this moment, it’s really just words and none of it moves me past this grayish/blackish feeling.
Well, here’s an experiment; I think I’ll work this out right here and right now in this blog. I hope you’re game to come along for the ride and join me as I cautiously meander through some murky avenues of my brain. Here’s your chance to bail.
For those of you still on board, let’s go.
There are certain characteristics associated with The Dark night of the Soul. They are; feelings of hopelessness, indeed you feel as if nothing is or ever will work out favorably for you. Check √. You feel as if you’re backsliding. Check √. Things that normally cheer you up, don’t. Check √. It’s an effort to do anything (Uh huh…like this Blog) Check √. And probably worst of all, you feel profoundly alone. Almost Check √.
It feels like a nasty little brain bug that first attacks your body with a feeling of “low energy” – as if your life force battery’s been unplugged.
So, what to do? Normally we want to resist this very uncomfortable feeling, get rid of it anyway we can which often leads to choices that actually can cause us to spiral down even more. i.e.; taking drugs, drinking, misdirected anger, etc.
I know what I must first do. I must acknowledge this feeling and then….love it, love it, love it. Honest. If I want to introduce light into the darkness, what better way than with the light of love? When I’m sitting here “being” with the feeling, and loving it, something begins to shift ever so slightly. Ok…. I breathe in deeply and a thought pops into my brain.
I decide to mentally construct a two-sided list of likely causes and immediately think of the Carpenter’s song; “Rainy days and Mondays.” Although all the lyrics fit, sadly it’s neither a rainy day nor Monday so I’ll have to scrap that off my list of probable causes.
Next; how’s my sleeping, how’s my eating, how’s my health? Hmm, health. That’s a bit of hot button for me right now, so I place “health” on the cause side of my mental list. I go through an inventory of spirituality, career, friends, family, finances, relationships, love life, free time, fun, travel, living and working space and find a few more hot buttons that qualify on my possible suspects list. Now the next step is what can I do about what’s troubling me? I pause for a moment because I realize that miraculously, I’m feeling even better. How’d that happen?
Actually, I did three things. First, I acknowledged, embraced and yes even loved where I was. (As a post script I would add stay there as long as you think you need to before moving on to the next step). Secondly, I made a list of all the things in life that can potentially pull me off center and felt what intuitively or literally is allowing me to do that. This action was also a realization of the duality of life; ebb and flow, up and down, perceived good and bad. And thirdly, I put into action the Serenity Prayer:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the ability to change the things I can and (above all!); the wisdom to know the difference.”
The miracle for me today was going into the darkness and coming into the light of awareness. Phew!! Thank you for indulging this very public catharsis and know I wish you a miraculous journey through your own dark night of the soul.
Namaste and Abundant Blessings Always,
Michele
“The one thing about life that is unchangeable is that life always changes.”
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